Rami's Diary

 오늘은 마음이 참 지친 하루였다. 아무에게도 말하지 못한 감정들이 조용히 내 안에 쌓여간다. 나는 그 사람을 좋아하지만, 그 마음이 나에게 돌아오지 않을 거라는 것도 알고 있다. 그래도 이상하게 이 마음을 멈출 수가 없다. 괜찮은 척 웃으며 평소처럼 하루를 보내지만, 혼자 있는 시간이 되면 마음이 조금씩 무너진다. 왜 이렇게 마음이 쉽게 포기하지 못할까. 그 사람이 무심코 건넨 달콤한 한마디에 나는 또다시 괜히 기대를 하게 된다. 오늘은 그냥 조금 쉬고 싶다. 이 마음도 언젠가는 조용히 지나가기를 바라면서. 지친 마음을 안고 오늘 하루도 조용히 마무리한다..

Lately, my heart has been feeling restless in a way I can’t easily explain. Sometimes I feel so happy when we talk. His voice, his laughter, the way our conversations flow so naturally—it makes everything feel warm and easy. In those moments, it’s hard not to feel something real between us. But I also remember what he told me. That he likes me, but he doesn’t love me. And somehow, those words stay quietly in the back of my mind. There are days when he sounds affectionate, when he makes time to call even if it’s late at night or when he has to go outside just to talk. In those moments, my heart almost forgets the boundaries he already set. But then there are the quiet days. The slow replies. The distance that suddenly appears without explanation. And that’s when my thoughts begin to wander again. I start asking myself questions I’m not sure how to answer. If he only likes me, then what exactly is this between us? Am I someone special to him, or just someone he enjoys talking to for ...

Sometimes I ask myself a strange question: How can someone I’ve never even met in person mean this much to me? Everything between us exists only through messages and the occasional phone call. And yet, somehow, he still finds a way to stay in my thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if this feeling even makes sense. How can a voice, a few conversations, and a small space in my phone slowly become something so important to me? Maybe it’s because when we talk, everything feels easy. Comfortable. Like I can just be myself without trying too hard. But the truth is… we don’t talk that often. Most days, we’re just living our own lives separately. And in those quiet days, my mind starts wandering. I start wondering if he misses me too. Or if I’m the only one thinking about him this much. Sometimes I’m afraid of losing him, even though I never really had him in the first place. But there’s another fear inside me too. I’m afraid that my feelings are growing too much for something that is still so uncert...

Finally, he came back home on February 6th .  I felt relieved… but we couldn’t call right away. Our first call after that was on February 9th . In February, we talked six times — on the 9th, 11th, 13th, 19th, 22nd, and 24th. It doesn’t sound like a lot. But to me, it was already better than January, when we only talked four times. February 13th was the first time he called me not at dawn. I was so used to his calls in the early morning that when my phone rang at night, I was genuinely surprised. I even asked him, “How come you’re calling at this time?” He laughed softly and said that the day was special. At first I thought it was because the next day was Valentine’s Day. But the funny thing is… he had actually forgotten that Valentine’s Day was tomorrow. Somehow, that made the moment feel even more adorable. Then on February 19th , he called me during the day for the very first time—while I was at work. It was also the first day of Ramadan. We only talked for about 30 minutes, but...

I still remember when he said, “Happy New Year.” I wasn’t expecting it at all. It was such a simple thing, just two words, but it made me smile. I felt happy in a quiet way, the kind of happiness you keep to yourself. Then we called again on January 3rd. That was the night something quietly shifted inside me. I remember lying there, listening to his voice, feeling like it was the happiest night I had had in a long time. It was warm, calm, and somehow it felt safe. That was the day I realized I liked him.. We talked for hours that night, so long that I didn’t sleep at all. That same day, I even got into a small accident. I accidentally hit an electric pole. It actually hurt, but I never told Jaeho. I was afraid he might blame himself. In the end, it was my own fault. I pushed myself to stay on the call even though it was already close to my working hours. I chose to keep talking to him, even when I should have rested. After that day, something changed a little between us. We started tex...

I still remember the first time I talked to Jaeho. It was December 22nd, early in the morning. We talked for about an hour and a half. I felt comfortable with him almost instantly. His voice was incredibly soft and soothing, and it made me feel calm in a way I didn’t expect. He was usually online at dawn, which made it difficult for us to stay in touch consistently. At that time, I didn’t have feelings for him yet. I just liked the way his voice made me feel. Two days later, he asked if we could call, but I was already asleep. Then three days after that, I purposely woke up around the time he was usually online, hoping we could talk. But that day, he wasn’t there. The next day, he finally replied and asked if we could call the following day. When I asked what time, though, he suddenly disappeared again. The day after that, he randomly asked what I was doing. Of course, I was already asleep by then. He always seemed to be online at dawn, and somehow our timing just never matched. The ne...